15 septembre 2016 4 15 /09 /septembre /2016 14:34

   

Poème en prose (en anglais)

 

Waiting in silence

 

Tatjana Deblejački

  

 

I had no other choice because I loved him. I had no other future but to yearn for another phone call asking me on a date. I went out only when I really had to. Sometimes Ifelt that he might come. I hated dreams whose cruelty tore me apart. I rushed everywhere in fear of missing his phone call, but in vain. I stopped myself from turning on some music or a hair dryer, terrified of the noise butting the sound of the phone. When the phone rang, my soul was ready to pick it up – it wasn’t him! Oh God, why are you doing this to me ! Anticipation, endless, painful, obviously filled with jealousy. What am I really waiting for ? I was seized by the moment. I was in constant fear anticipating his steps, the sound of the door closing quietly. He left me for three, four days between his arrivals and departures. I didn’t want to think about anything else. I waited and repeated to myself: He’ll come, he’ll come, I know he will. I’d say these things solemnly as if to justify or comfort myself. Every time, something was added to our relationship but nothing changed, except the waiting, the waiting that took all the time, the time that passed through me. We accepted the risk of love. Think about it. You never lied to me, that’s what you said while I stood in front of the truth, disappointed. Don’t compare my love model to hers. While you sing here, she’s gone. Ask for this confession, you only have desire and nothing else. It is at your hand, it’s in your nature and you can’t escape it. Say my name, say it at least to yourself. Outside that bed, somebody else is dying of the same desire. Damn you. Give me the right to stand up to her in your head. Two weeks of phone calls, promises to come, I believed them a thousand times, but a thousand and first I cannot. How am I feeling now? Nothing can be changed not even by the reality of the voice. It’s a challenge of pleasure, the future pain. I wanted to learn your language, fly somewhere on the plane, choose some silk of your taste, enjoy the citruses, feel my body as a whole. Wake me up on the isle of love, take me back to dreams. Waiting is just the time that lasts, where it’s lost – it’s not lost. The time that lasted, the time I didn’t want to stop. The most beautiful time of my life which I didn’t want to end. I’m tired, tired – who cares ? I’ll wait again for you to come to my flat. How will you caress my morning, which of your kisses will wake me up? I’ll say: Honey, guess what happened to me? Somebody hit me on the head. Somebody wanted to chase you out. All broken, I still cannot pick up the pieces. I admit I’m confused. I lived with you in my imagination for so long while you were gone. All alone, now I have to invent you in order to bring you back to life. In as many ways as there are those of losing you. Let it not be long and sad, God! I need to invent. All these years, I might have been creating a false picture of you. You might have become a creature of imagination and not a man of flesh and blood who walks with people and celebrities. I still don’t have the courage to compare the truth with reality. I’m afraid, be patient, be gentle while I’m calling you between the two seasons. Be patient with a silly and stubborn woman. We should have met long ago, we should have done it while I was waiting and being silent. What I did was crawl into myself like a snail. Be patient, deep inside I feel that I need to wait for a turnover. I felt alive again when I heard you were coming, it makes me happy thinking that you still might want to do so. I’m so emotional, I simply cried because of my soul, cried with anger or was it panic? I thought I was able to forget your-my face in all of these years. Suddenly, the pressure is here again like an iron mask. Don’t be afraid, I’ll gather my courage again. Sooner or later, we’ll meet again and look each other in the eye. When ? I don’t know. I don’t know. *

 

 

* Publication programmée dans le numéro spécial 2016.

 

 

***

 

Pour citer ce texte

Tatjana Deblejački, « Waiting in silence »Le Pan poétique des muses|Revue féministe, internationale & multilingue de poésie entre théories & pratiques : Lettre n°8 [En ligne], mis en ligne le 15 septembre 2016. Url : http://www.pandesmuses.fr/2016/09/waiting.html

© Tous droits réservés   Retour au sommaire

 

Partager cet article

Repost 0
Le Pan poétique des muses - dans La Lettre de la revue LPpdm

Rechercher

À La Une

  • Lettre n°10
    Publication successive Lettre n°10 Nous fêtons dans cette Lettre Le Printemps des Poètes au féminin & le festival Megalesia 2017 jusqu'au 31 mars 2017 30 avril 2017 Crédit photo : Allegoria dell'Inclinazione 1615-1616 (Allégorie de l'Inclination) par...
  • Vive la Retraite !
    Dossier majeur | Textes poétiques Vive la Retraite ! Joan Ott © Crédit photo : (illustration à venir) Synopsis Enfin retraités après une longue vie de labeur, Aline et Germain ont acheté une île déserte au beau milieu du Pacifique où ils comptent couler...
  • Dossier majeur | Textes poétiques Vive la Retraite ! Joan Ott © Crédit photo : (illustration à venir) *** Pour citer ce poème Joan Ott , « » , Le Pan poétique des muses|Revue féministe, internationale & multilingue de poésie entre théories & pratiques...
  • Qu’est ce qu’elle a à me regarder comme çà, la bourge ?
    Dossier majeur | Textes poétiques Qu’est ce qu’elle a à me regarder comme çà, la bourge ? Sylvie Troxler © Crédit photo (illustration à venir) Qu’est ce qu’elle a à me regarder comme çà, la bourge ? J’suis pas un chien tout de même ! D’accord, j’ai tout...
  • Vieilles dames vénitiennes
    Dossier majeur | Textes poétiques Vieilles dames vénitiennes Chantal Robillard Ce texte est reproduit avec l'aimable autorisation de l'auteure de son blog officiel Venise, poèmes de voyage © Crédit photo : (illustration à venir) Mon hôtesse m’annonce...
  • Femmes inspiratrices des grands peintres mais peintres par-dessus tout
    Femmes, poésie & peinture Avant-première Femmes inspiratrices des grands peintres mais peintres par-dessus tout Maggy de Coster Site personnel : www.maggydecoster.fr/ Site du Manoir des Poètes : www.lemanoirdespoetes.fr/ Crédit photo : La Paix ramenant...
  • Penser la maladie et la vieillesse en poésie
    Dossier majeur | Introduction du n°6 Penser la maladie et la vieillesse en poésie Françoise Urban-Menninger Blog officiel : L'heure du poème © Crédit photo : (illustration à venir) À l'heure où s'achève à Strasbourg la septième édition du Forum Européen...
  • La Place des femmes dans la peinture de Camille Pissarro
    Dossier majeur | Femmes, poésie & peinture Avant-première La Place des femmes dans la peinture de Camille Pissarro Maggy de Coster Site personnel : www.maggydecoster.fr/ Site du Manoir des Poètes : www.lemanoirdespoetes.fr/ Crédit photo : affiche de l'exposition...
  • Haiku za Tatjanu Debeljački 2017 / Haiku for Tatjana Debeljački 2017
    Annonce de parution / revue des éditrices Haiku za Tatjanu Debeljački 2017 / Haiku for Tatjana Debeljački 2017 Tatjana Debeljački © Crédit photo : couverture illustrée du recueil fournie par l'auteure Poeta konkurs / Poeta contest Haiku za Tatjanu Debeljački...
  • Brève chronique sur "Adèle" de Patricia Kaas
    Femmes, poésie & musique Pour la Journée Internationale de la Femme Brève chronique sur "Adèle" de Patricia Kaas Dina Sahyouni La chanson « Adèle » interprétée par Patricia Kaas s'adresse à toutes les femmes parce qu'elle éclaire la condition féminine...